We get wrapped up in what is not working.
All I wanted to do was pay my health insurance bill. It was almost 9 pm last night and I couldn’t get the webpage to load. I sat patiently, I got up and walked around, I stared at the spinning circle and then I started to lose my peace.
What the hell was going on?
It felt as if this was happening to punish me for some unknown transgression I had committed against the internet gods. Maybe it is Blue Cross Blue Shield! They should make it easier for me to pay them money. Verizon is responsible, this damn Jetpack is worthless. I witnessed my mind begin to come undone.
I took my hands off the keyboard and exhaled, deeply. I smiled because I remembered that it doesn’t really matter–not in the long run. I shut my computer and moved on to other things. I wrote for a bit and read the last pages of Wild. I watched the moon rise in the sky and noticed how bright it still was, throwing shadows around our yard. Then I went to sleep.
This morning when I went online to try again, the page loaded quickly and my payment processed without issue.
Accept what is.
Because the alternative is to come undone, and that won’t help the situation.
I find it helpful to practice in these simple moments on a daily basis. It is often the big stuff that trips us up. My big stuff right now is living 1200 miles away from my son for the school year…not so easy to accept. It is like strengthening a muscle. The more often I accept what is when things appear difficult, the better able I am to accept the big stuff. I loosen my grip on my own heart and my chest opens up a bit so I can breathe.
There is great work to be done in the tiny moments.
photo credit: Michael Moore